My Beautiful Angel,
I watch the ‘home videos’ of you that we have, often. Pictures of you still surround the rooms in our home, but you are far more then a picture and I want to remember that always.
I want to watch your little smile, after I said “Camden, I love you” on the night before you were gone. I want to see the way your Daddy looks at you, while he holds you on the day you were born. I want to hear my laughter, while you and Daddy dance. I guess it’s my way of ‘feeling’ you, once again.
The other night I sat here, trying my hardest to recollect your ‘smell’ — I had almost forgotten it. I watched your videos, and looked at your pictures. Some may think I was torturing myself, since tears flew down my face, but these tears are not those of ‘torture’ they are ones of love and remembrance of a child that gave me so much more then just 87 days of her life. The tears of remorse, regret and despair are tucked away; When your little sister was born I made a promise with myself that I would make sure she knew your love, legacy and life are all ones of love.
I have no idea how I’m going to ‘explain’ why there are bad people in the world, and why Daddy and I were not able to see that her beautiful big sister was being cared for, by one. I would never want her to lose trust in others, as I started to after losing you.
I want your little sister to understand how to feel, hear, see and experience love at it’s deepest for her entire life – and know that this is what you’ve given her, and this is the what your life was about.
I miss you every second of everyday, and I hope God hears/honors our prayers asking him to give you a hug and kiss for us, each night.
I love you with all my heart, all my soul and every breath I take.